Meltdowns

My emotions have been seriously tested. I think I've cried more in the past few months than the past 10 years combined. These are the times where I would tell someone who had experienced parents to help them out with their babies how blessed they are. We have been guessing and second guessing how to take care of Ashley. It was a crazy process that took many trial-n-errors. And through that process, I found myself breaking down.

Some of the craziest meltdowns I had so far:

1) Sundown Marathon
Daddy joined the sundown half-marathon and I was tasked with a simple duty to chauffeur him to and fro. Sounds like a very simple task. But guess what, add a crying baby in the front seat next to the driver and u get an equation of CHAOS. Randy estimated that he would finish in less than 3 hrs so I could drop him off, head home and drive back then.

Getting dad to the marathon: Stuck in a one hour traffic with a starving infant screaming for milk.I couldn't feed her as I was on the wheel. *tears hair*

Getting out: Took another 1.5 hours to get out of the one way traffic. Other drivers were also getting impatient and were coming out of their cars to see how long more ahead the road was. Getting stuck in a never ending jam itself is very frustrating but hearing infants screaming in an enclosed car can be mind blowing. At one point, I was holding the steering wheel with Ashley in my lap, hugging her to make her feel comforted. 

By the time I got to the end of the jam, it was time to head right back into the jam again. *Cues tears falling down my cheeks*

Getting back: Jam, as predicted. I prayed and prayed and cried for baby to stop crying (enclosed space disturbs Ashley a great deal, as I've discovered)

While dad completed his half-marathon, I just did my very own iron (wo)man after I survived this crazy crying marathon.

2) Bottlefeeding Day
Ashley's still hating every bit of the bottle... :(
2 Sundays ago, we had to dedicate a full day to be at home to train her on the bottle as she was going to be sent to the babysitter's the next day... We had to starve her till she was willing to drink from the bottle. We started from 7am and she started crying from 7am. She couldn't stop crying at all - her hunger kept her awake, she cries and becomes tired and cries more. The cycle was vicious.
The war was finally lost and at 5pm I raised the white flag and I latched her on. My mind was vexed and tired from hearing her cry.

3) 2nd night of Daddy away in France
Another meltdown. I didn't know why but she just couldn't be pacified. Nothing I did could help the poor little caterpillar feel better. I felt alone, I cried and prayed for strength. After 2 hours of painful screaming, she succumbed to the ZZZz monster with the help of the dummy.

How I wish you can sleep peacefully like this... These are the moments I enjoy just watching u...

I told myself to renew my mind and think of the happier times where I managed well with her while Randy was away in Beijing 2 weeks back. So here goes:

Me and Ashley - doing a lil' shopping while waiting for my sis for dinner

 Her usual 10 secs of skirmish-ness before adjusting to "life in the baby carrier"

 It's almost impossible to eat out nowadays. But I believe, when there's a will, there's a way (to prevent food from dropping on the baby)...

I spoke to a few mums and one of them said during her son's 1st birthday she broke down and cried coz the one year of bringing him up was no easy feat. Another mum told me her baby cried till she felt like throwing him away.
It helps to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I can do this!!!